Diary of an Aggie Fan in Lubbock

Hat Tip to: http://barkingcarnival.fantake.com/2011/10/11/diary-of-an-aggie-fan-in-lubbock/

Dear loyal fellow Ags (Whoop!),

I wanted to transcribe this post, first of all, to tell you all how proud I am to be a Fightin’ Texas Aggie. Second, to make sure all Aggie fans were aware of the nightmarish experience my family and I had on our trip to Lubbutt for the Tech game. It makes me so proud that our fans carry themselves with the class that they do.

My wife, mother and 9-year old daughter drove in from Floydada on gameday. It was my daughter’s first Aggie experience and you could feel the electricity and optimism in the car as we backed out of the driveway. That enjoyable feeling quickly faded away and soon we would realize we were in for the fight of our lives.

The nightmare commenced the minute we got on the highway. Immediately, 3 cars full of tehc tards began honking and flipping us off as they passed us. A fourth car of tards later ran us off the road outside of New Deal blowing out a tire, which I had to change and put us behind schedule.

We arrived in Lubbock around 1:00 and pulled into Rosa’s for some pre-game lunch. Daughter LOVES Rosa’s and one of my Old Army buds is a branch manager at the location. We went through some hell together, Whoop! Rog wasn’t working that day, which should have been my first sign to drive immediately home.

We ordered our food via the drive-thru with no problems, but as we were pulling out of the parking lot, things escalated quickly. A bunch of drunk frat guys (no offense to you 2%ers out there) blocked us in with their SUV and surrounded our car. I rolled down the windows and immediately one of them began accosting me, while another stole my wife’s chicken soft taco and began skull-raping her with it in the ear.

My daughter and mother were terrified in the backseat, but luckily I still had the windows rolled up in the back and doors locked. I begged them to leave my wife alone and they agreed, if I got out of the car and obeyed them. With no Ags around to back me up, I didn’t have any other options.

I told them I would do anything they asked, so long as they would stop violating my wife’s ear with a corn tortilla and grilled chicken breast. The tard, who was accosting me and I assume was the gang leader, said they would quit if I ate a flour tortilla filled with jalapenos and washed it down with a tub of habanero sauce. I agreed and he ordered me to get on my knees while he was making the taco. After I finished off the flaming taco and started downing the habanero sauce, he forced me to rub the remaining sauce all over my face, “Just like he liked it”, and then slapped me and called me a “dirty whore”.

This must have appeased them as they ran off LAUGHING and peeled out of the parking lot in their SUV. I’ll be honest with you. It took every bit of Aggie pride and class I have to keep from knocking that a#@hole out. However, I was able to save my family and a good Aggie vet we parked by had a pair of forceps in his glove box and was able to remove the remaining chunks of corn tortilla and grilled chicken from my wife’s ear. There were some small bits of the pico she loves that unfortunately penetrated deep enough to reach the ear drum and we’ll have to see a doctor for that. THANKS CLASSLESS CLOWNS!!! I’M SENDING YOU THE BILL!!!

My wife decided to stay in the car until kickoff, which in retrospect was a good idea. Things seemed okay for a while, besides a few random tards calling my mother a slut, until we reached the stadium parking lot. Which I might add is a DUMP!!! We were approached by a pack of what I assume were tard PhD students because they were all wearing scrubs. I’m almost positive they either had rabies or were high on PCP because they were literally foaming at the mouth. This is allegedly the tard’s finest and I’m embarrassed to live in the same state, if this is what they have to offer.

One of them was carrying a 5 gallon bucket of what turned out to be monkey poo from the lab, I assume, and immediately slammed it over my 9-year old daughter’s head. A couple of them started pushing me around, while the rest surrounded my 74-year old mother. I broke free and ran for some campus police nearby and what a mistake that turned out to be. They laughed in my face as I pleaded for help and then one of them struck me repeatedly in the temple with a nightstick while the other cuffed me to a bicycle rack.

Words can’t do justice to the atrocities committed next and I can only be thankful that my daughter was blinded by 5 gallons of monkey poo as to avoid witnessing the scene. At least, they had the decency to cover her eyes. My mother was thrown on the ground and urinated on by this group of tards, while they chanted “GOLD-EN SHOW-ER!!!” *Clap, Clap*
“GOLD-EN SHOW-ER!!!” *Clap, Clap* until all had relieved themselves. Then, they threw her in a nearby dumpster and ran off LAUGHING!!!

My wrists were bleeding at this point from almost jerking that bicycle rack in two. Luckily, a good Ag who walked by happened to have a hacksaw in the toolbox of his pickup, and walked all the way back to his parking spot a mile and a half away to retrieve it and cut me free. Whoop!

I helped mom get out of the dumpster and used my 12th Man towel to wipe the remaining monkey poo from my daughter’s eyes and we headed to our seats. Besides the typical tard activities of cussing at my family and chunking cups of urine on us, I felt they really crossed the line with their next behavior. Now, I’ve been accustomed to being pelted with batteries by whorn and bear fans, but this was on another level.

The tards were prying the tops off the batteries with their keys, dumping the acid into empty drink cups and throwing them at us. Half my daughter’s face was melted off and we had to break out our 12th Man ponchos to protect ourselves. Wait, it gets worse. I turned around to stare down one particular annoying tard and noticed he was lighting a Molotov cocktail. He didn’t notice I saw him and when he chunked it at me, I ducked. Unfortunately, it struck my mother and she burst into flames when the concoction ignited her alcohol saturated urine soaked clothes.

To say the least, I wasn’t feeling badly when DeMONSTER Moore ended Eric Stephens’ season. I could only feel how bad my knees hurt from grinding on the asphalt surface of the Rosa’s parking lot and how bad my wife’s head was aching from the pico pressing against her brain.

Anyway, after we spanked the tards for the 3rd straight time, we exited quickly to our car and zoomed out of Lubbutt as fast as possible. I’m not sure what they did with mother’s carcass, but we weren’t about to stick around and find out. I know it contradicts the code of honor to leave an Aggie behind, but after the experience we had, I determined it was best just to get my remaining family to safety. She was gone and we had accepted that.

I can’t speak for all Ags, but I for one, am glad we’ll never be attending another road game in Lubbutt. I’ve never seen fans act with such violence and lack of character. It makes me feel that much more proud to be a Fightin’ Texas Aggie and I look forward to the future of being treated with the RESPECT we have earned at night games in Baton Rouge.

Gig ‘Em,

Steve ’87